I know you’re not supposed to judge a fandom on its artists but I have literally never seen a single good fic come out of the sports fandom
Anonymous asked: "HOW DARE YOU be awake and not text meeeeee dude I went to sleep by like one last night and woke up before my alarm I feel like a fucking grownup right now holy shit also your wifey tag makes me laugh every time I come here trufax I'm gonna go anon because of reasons har har har also I love you you silly iguana"
HOW SAD IS IT THAT THE MOMENT I READ ‘How dare you’ I KNEW IT WAS YOU. I know you did I was so mad I wanted to text that it was one but you were sleeping and how dare you be sleeping at the magical one are you working today yes you are I remember this ugh I don’t want to work the next ten days because that means I have to WORK FOR THE NEXT TEN DAYS /claws at face
I don’t know where my phone is. TEXT ME THINGS SO I CAN FIND Q. DAMMIT MUMBLE.
In regards to Teen Wolf...
- Mumble: I'm on your teen wolf blog
- Mumble: hide yo kids
- Mumble: hide yo wife
- Me: isn't it terrifying you how haven't you run screaming yet
- Mumble: well tbh I've never watched a second of the show and I sort of ship stiles/derek just from being on tumblr
- Mumble: so
- Mumble: ...that
- Me: thats how I got dragged in be careful you're going into dangerous territory
- Mumble: bah
- Mumble: OH GOOD A DYLAN O'ICAN'TFUCKINGBLACKLISTYOUYOUSTUPIDPRICK'BRIEN PICSPAM
- Mumble: well that adventure was short-lived
- Me: /dying
How to distract a Mumble...
- Me: I'M SORRY OKAY I JUST DIDN'T GET IT
- Mumble: I AM SO CROSS WITH YOU I ALMOST CALLED YOU A NANTUCKET AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW WHY THAT'S INSULTING
- Me: here have a link
- Mumble: how will a random link make me stop raging tear up your 90s kid card
- Me: except...
- Mumble: BUNS
- Mumble: BUNBUNS
- Mumble: awwwwlookitthebunny
- Mumble: omg I wanna smoosh him
- Mumble: his little feeties
- Mumble: omg
- Mumble: how can anyone be mad ever when bunnies exist
- Me: EXACTLY
The best of Mumble when versing Riku in KH on a speed run...
- Mumble: Hey you know what would be nice is a little emotional trauma before bed BRING IT RIKU
- Mumble: If I have to watch this motherfucking cutscene one more motherfucking time I'm going to lose my shit
- Mumble: I'm going to disappear into the world, hunt down the person who forgot to make the cutscenes skippable, and I'm going to poop on their bed
- Mumble: NEW STRATEGY: GET IN HIS FACE AND HIT HIM UNTIL HE CAN'T FIGURE OUT WHICH END HIS ASSHOLE IS ON
- Mumble: I'm beginning to hate Sora just on principle stop dying you little fuck
- Mumble: New strategy: light Riku's grass skirt on fire and while he's distracted stick him in the neck
- Mumble: I can't tell if what I'm doing right now is laughing or like the precursor to crying but it's definitely hysterical
- Mumble: You know what's awesome is when you're doing a speed run and you accidentally take that one lift up the side of Hollow Bastion that literally shows you riding the thing up the entire castle at about -2km
- Mumble: ARE YOU ACTUALLY JOSHING ME this fucking cutscene I can't do it again oh my god
- Mumble: Kairi's inside of me? SHUT UP MAN JUST RUN
- Mumble: I AM SO GOOD AT THIS FUCKING GAME EXCEPT FOR WHEN I AM NOT APPARENTLY
- Mumble: I beat a tournament with a Winnie the Pooh keyblade and I can't beat Riku's skull in with a metal chocobo like I should probably just quit at life
- Mumble: I'm going to go crazy and this cutscene is going to be on my suicide note
- Mumble: HAHAHAHASDFGHJKL !!!!!! I FUCKING WON I AM MIIIGHTYYYY FUCK YES FINALLY NO MORE CUTSCENES FUCK
In regards to bus people...
- Mumble: The guy across from me has a backpack into which he is trying to slide some papers without crumpling them. The reason he's having difficulty is because as far as I can tell the entire thing is stuffed with bread.
- Mumble: Bread Man's papers are covered in math equations and shit and he's reading them like a squirrel. Either he's crazy smart or he has no idea what he's looking at.
- Mumble: Girl beside me just dumped hand sanitizer all over her Coach bag BUS PEOPLE WHAT DO
- Me: Any other fascinating people aside from Unable to Sanitize and Bread Man?
- Mumble: Afraid not. Oho Bread Man just got off the bus and forgot to zip up his bag and all his bread just yard saled everywhere, omg
- Mumble: Okay, I don't know a lot about anything but if there are two people in a car I'm reasonably certain the one with the eye patch shouldn't be driving.
- Me: Where are you finding all these people
- Mumble: Welcome to bus time with Mumble
"I wish it was normal to hit on people for friendships the way most people hit on someone for a sexual relationship."
In regards to Cardcaptors...
- Mumble: I really expected this episode to be about her doing everything she can to avoid actually doing chores so she can go to the park
- Mumble: and instead it's literally just about her doing chores
- Mumble: hey wait where's that fucker going he doesn't have a lecture it's Sunday!
- Mumble: can we talk about how the wood card was just like oh there's someone at the door yeah I'll chill for a second wouldn't want to be rude
- Mumble: she's all I'M FUCKING NINE WHATTAYA WANT
having a friendship with me is like nurturing a tiny baby seed
you have to be patient and give it lots of water and not get upset if it doesn’t grow right away because it takes a while…..
and then it sprouts and you can tell hey because i talk a little more and maybe start conversations
and then you water it more
and then suddenly it blooms and you realize it’s A WEED YOU DON’T WANT THIS IN YOUR GARDEN BUT IT’S TOO LATE IT NEVER STOPS IT NEVER SHUTS UP
In regards to Tomfoolery...
- Me: We shouldn't play this game when we're drunk, it's like taking LSD after taking shots.
- Mumble: Well, if your brother would stop picking Lt. Surge, then we WOULDN'T BE HAVING THIS PROBLEM FUCK. WHAT IS THIS TOMFOOLERY.
- Mumble: Oh my god, how has no one noticed? HOW.
- Me: With all the Loki stuff going around -
- Mumble: - no one made the connection and started -
- Me: - using Tomfoolery as a thing!
- Mumble: We must inform the internet!
In regards to seagulls...
- Mumble: I should go for a jog around the loop without my eyes in and see what happens
- Mumble: never done that before...could be interesting
- Me: okay don't get hit by a seagull
- Mumble: by a
- Mumble: what
- Mumble: THAT'S your warning?!
- Mumble: not like cars
- Mumble: or don't get robbed
- Mumble: or anything normal
- Mumble: seagulls are your concern?
- Mumble: how would I avoid getting hit by a seagull even if I COULD see it?
- Mumble: they fly, they've got the advantage of me
- Me: seagulls are assholes they are more likely to hit you than a car
In regards to Captain America...
- Mumble: Who brings reporters into a super secret laboratory?! That is the opposite of what a super secret laboratory is meant to accomplish!
- Mumble: What is the point of it standing up. Isn’t that. What about gravity. Wouldn’t that. You know what, it’s Howard Stark. He probably made it stand up because he thought it would look cool.
- Mumble: …Why is he glistening?
- Mumble: Skinny Steve would not have chased after a car!
- Mumble: Is that a submarine? Okay. Okay just. What.
- Mumble: How. How are we not even half way done. I hate you.
- Mumble: So that face mask. Uh. Don’t you need that? No? Okay.
- Mumble: So he has a rocket. Of course he has a rocket. Who wouldn’t have a rocket. Especially one that spins.
- Mumble: He looks like a boiled tomato! How am I supposed to take him seriously?!
- Mumble: I hate you for making me do this.
- Me: -dying-
asked: "I don't know any of those weird ones that come after 2nd gen. If you were to be limited to a starter we both know you would take the Totodile, but I could totally see you with a Gengar. You're not allowed to have a Golem because when you got that on Draw Something you drew me a goddamn GOLLUM. With A RING. For shame."
IT WOULD’VE BEEN BETTER IF I COULD ACTUALLY DRAW A GOLEM OKAY. DO NOT BLAME ME FOR THINGS THAT HAVE TO DO WITH DRAWING. And my Gollum was fantastic, bitch.
I would totally have a Totodile. Remember when you named them weird things when we played Silver on the computer? I remember that. Because it was hilarious. And dude, your starter? Chikorita. That is all.
Now go the fuck to sleep.